December 4, 2017

A friend once told me that going from one to two was tougher than going from anything after two. I can't really give my experience of what it's like after two, but I can tell you what it feels like being a mom of two, and I would have to say its very different, but amazing. When Felicity was 8 weeks old she had really bad acid reflux. I wouldn't sleep at all. Andy was in school so he was gone most of the day. Felicity would be up crying all night long, and then Leonardo was up early in the morning. I was on no sleep, and I was so prideful and didn't want to ask my mom for help. I thought I could handle it, but in all honesty I couldn't. Those first few weeks were so hard. In between Felicity not getting her latch right, having sore nipples, and the acid reflux. I felt defeated. There was a  night where she woke up at 9pm and cried almost non stop until 9am (I'm not even exaggerating) I sat on the living room couch and I called my dad crying. I didn't know what to do and my dad told me to call my mom, but it was late and I remember thinking to myself "You got this" so I didn't. I finally got her down, and Leonardo woke up a few hours later, and thats how my days went for the first  two months.

 I was sleeping for two or three hours a day, and trying to get a nap in whenever I could. Naps with two kids is not a thing guys! The only time I ever get them to nap together is in the car.  I remember the first time I had lost my cool and actually raised my voice for the very first time with Leonardo in three years. If you have been following me for a while you know that we don't spank or yell. We were on our way out and Leonardo wanted a fruit snack. The pantry door was right by the garage door and Felicity was in her car seat in the car and we were about to head out. He had been acting a little jealous and was craving extra attention since the baby was born. He had a full blown meltdown because I had chosen the wrong fruit snack. I remember standing there so tired and feeling so defeated and he was crying over something that I thought was so trivial. I never think his outburst are ever trivial. I had lost sight in the mist of my exhaustion about his feelings, and I remember raising my voice and telling him to get off the floor.  I will never forget the look on his face, it brings me to tears every time I think about it. He was so terrified, and shocked and I remember just putting him in his car seat and crying in the front seat and telling him how sorry I was. I ran back inside got a few extra stuff, and that day I went to my moms house instead of the store. I needed help, and for the first time I realized what the definition of it takes a village truly means.

 I realized how important it was to take care of myself, not only for myself but to be able to be the best version of myself for my kids. I never wanted to see that look of fear on his face again, and I made a promise to myself that I would never allow myself to get there again. You can't possibly take care of another human being without taking care of yourself first. I've realized that hearing two kids cry at the same time, and physically being unable to care for the both of them at the same time without putting one in the back burner for a second does take a toll on ones patience. Sometimes I can feel those triggers creeping up inside of me, and all I want to do is run out crying. Instead, I take deep breaths. This has helped me so many times, and I challenge you to try this the next time you feel overwhelmed. Those little babies are scientifically unable to process those emotions. I mean look at us! We are the adults, and even we are incapable of controlling our own emotions! We have to stop putting our children on such a high pedestal, and setting expectations that scientifically they are not able to meet. Please take the time to educate yourself on how your child's brain is growing at every age, so you could have a better understanding of them. It gives you and understanding on why they do the things they do.

What I will say is that nothing beats watching your babies love each other so immensely. Leonardo is the sweetest, and most gentle little boy and I take pride in raising him to be kind, and slow to anger. I can only do that by being that person to not only him, but to everyone around me. Leonardo showed me how to be gentle, but Felicity has shown me how to be patient when things get overwhelming. They only spoke about how hard it will be but they never tell you all of the things that those little human beings end up teaching you about yourself.

Rock on mamas, you got this. xo

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